Grief is often described as a journey we must walk, yet it can feel like the most isolating path imaginable. In times of overwhelming grief, it’s natural to feel like retreating inward, but as human beings, we’re also wired for connection, especially in times of profound sadness. This is why, throughout history and across cultures, we see a common thread of people coming together to mourn, support, and share in each other’s pain. The simple act of sharing our grief reminds us that we aren’t alone and that, even in our darkest moments, a supportive community stands by us.

Why We Need to Share Grief

Grieving alone can make loss feel even heavier, whereas shared grief can lighten the load. When we come together in grief, it’s not just about talking or sharing stories; it’s about feeling seen, heard, and validated. Expressing our sorrow openly allows for healing, where the burden is divided among others who are also there to honour the life of the one who has passed. It creates a shared space of remembrance, empathy, and, ultimately, comfort.

The wisdom of shared mourning is something cultures around the world have always understood. Through various rituals and traditions, they’ve built practices that make space for community in times of loss, allowing grief to be a collective, rather than solitary, experience. Let’s explore some of these traditions that emphasise the power of communal mourning.

Traditions that Honour Shared Grief

1. The Irish Wake: Celebrating Life Together

In Irish culture, a wake is traditionally held in the home of the deceased, where friends and family gather not only to mourn but to celebrate the life of the person. This gathering can last for several days, often including music, storytelling, and shared meals. The wake isn’t meant to be solely sombre but is a celebration that acknowledges both the pain of loss and the joy of the person’s life. It’s a powerful reminder that even in grief, we can find moments of connection and remembrance.

2. Sitting Shiva in Jewish Tradition: A Week of Support

The Jewish tradition of “sitting shiva” is a seven-day mourning period that begins after the funeral. During this time, close family members stay at home, and friends and extended family come to visit. The focus is on simply being present; those who come to sit shiva do not need to speak if they don’t wish to. Their presence alone is meant to provide comfort. This tradition offers a structured period for the grieving family to be surrounded by a supportive community without any expectations to “move on” or “get back to normal.” Instead, they’re encouraged to fully process their emotions with the warmth and support of others.

3. Ghanaian Funeral Celebrations: Honouring Life with Community

In Ghana, funerals are not only a time of mourning but also vibrant celebrations of life. These gatherings can last for days and are attended by large numbers of family members, friends, and community members. Funerals in Ghana are significant social events, often with music, dance, and elaborate attire. By celebrating the life of the deceased in a public, community-centred way, Ghanaians express both sorrow and appreciation for the person’s life. This tradition shows how grief and joy can coexist, allowing individuals to support each other through shared memories and collective expressions of both sadness and gratitude.

4. The Balinese Ngaben Ceremony: Communal Healing Through Ritual

The Balinese Hindu tradition of Ngaben is a communal cremation ceremony that symbolises the soul’s release from the earthly realm. In these ceremonies, entire communities come together to prepare for and participate in the rituals. Ngaben isn’t just a family affair; the entire village often joins to support the grieving family. This collective ritual underscores the belief that mourning is a communal responsibility and that the community helps carry the soul of the departed on their final journey.

5. Dia de los Muertos in Mexico: Remembering Together

The Mexican holiday Dia de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead, is one of the world’s most well-known communal mourning traditions. Families create altars with photos, candles, and the favourite foods of their deceased loved ones. They visit cemeteries together, celebrating the lives of those they’ve lost in a way that’s filled with joy, laughter, and remembrance. Dia de los Muertos is a beautiful example of a culture where mourning is not hidden but is a visible, vibrant, shared experience. It highlights the belief that our loved ones remain close, even in death, and that their memories continue to bring comfort and connection to those left behind.

6. The Māori Tangihanga Ceremony in New Zealand: Embracing Loss with Whānau

For the Māori people of New Zealand, the tangihanga, or “tangi,” is a multi-day mourning ceremony held on a marae (communal meeting ground). Family and friends gather to pay their respects, share stories, and express their grief. During this time, the deceased is not left alone, as someone always stays by their side. This ceremony underscores the importance of whānau, or extended family, who come together to offer strength and support. Through oratory, song, and remembrance, the community helps the grieving family feel held and loved, allowing everyone to acknowledge and express their sorrow openly.

7. The Filipino Pasiyam and Babang Luksa: Collective Mourning and Remembrance

In the Philippines, the process of mourning often involves two key communal gatherings. The “pasiyam” occurs on the ninth day after a loved one’s death, where family and friends come together for prayers and to share memories of the deceased. A year later, the “babang luksa” marks the end of the formal mourning period, where another gathering takes place to honour the departed and celebrate their life. These rituals emphasise the role of community in supporting the bereaved throughout the year. By coming together at these significant moments, the family is reminded that they are not alone, even as they transition out of the mourning period.

Finding Comfort in Community

Each of these traditions shows that mourning doesn’t have to be a solitary experience. Whether it’s through gatherings, storytelling, or shared rituals, these practices help remind us of our shared humanity and of the bonds that unite us, even in times of sorrow. In these moments, grief becomes less about the loss itself and more about honouring the life and the love that remain. They also serve as a reminder that it’s okay to lean on others, that community is there to hold us up when we feel too weak to carry on.

Today, as we navigate grief in a modern world that often priorities “moving on,” it’s worth remembering these timeless traditions and the comfort they bring. Sharing our grief doesn’t mean burdening others with our pain; it’s about finding strength together, creating spaces where loss is acknowledged, and finding healing in the company of others who understand. In moments of overwhelming grief, reaching out to others—whether by attending a support group, spending time with friends, or participating in cultural rituals—can remind us that we are not alone. Together, we can find solace, healing, and even hope as we honour the lives of those we have loved and lost.