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Embracing Joy While Healing: Grief and Happiness Coexist

24. November 2024

Finding joy amidst the grieving process can be a source of healing and strength, but it’s not uncommon to feel conflicted about moments of happiness after a loss. Grief and joy often coexist in ways that feel surprising or even uncomfortable, leaving some to wonder if it’s “too soon” or inappropriate to laugh, celebrate, or enjoy life again. However, allowing yourself to experience joy doesn’t diminish the love you have for the person you’ve lost—it honours the full spectrum of your humanity and resilience.

The Role of Joy in Healing

Grief is not a static emotion. It ebbs and flows, and along the way, moments of joy naturally emerge. A heartfelt memory, a kind gesture from a friend, or even an unexpected joke can spark a smile or laughter. These moments act as lifelines, giving you a reprieve from the weight of sadness and reminding you that life – even in its darkest times – holds room for light. Joy doesn’t erase grief. It weaves into it, helping you navigate loss without being consumed by it.

Dispelling the Shame Around Joy

Many people feel guilty about enjoying life after a loss, as though having fun signals they’ve “moved on” or forgotten their loved one. This guilt is a reflection of the depth of your love and connection, but it’s important to remember that mourning isn’t a binary state. You can hold grief in one hand and happiness in the other. Experiencing joy isn’t a betrayal, it’s a testament to the enduring impact of your loved one, who would likely want you to find moments of peace and contentment.

Embracing Joy Without Judgement

It’s natural to feel a mix of emotions when joy surfaces. Instead of pushing it away, acknowledge the conflict and remind yourself that happiness doesn’t negate your grief. Allow yourself to engage in simple pleasures like a walk in the park, a favourite hobby, or time with loved ones. These small acts of joy can help rebuild your sense of normalcy. Sometimes joy feels more accessible when it’s tied to remembering your loved one. Celebrate their favourite traditions, watch a movie they loved, or cook a meal that reminds you of them.

The Gift of Joy

Finding joy during grief can inspire you to reconnect with the parts of life that still bring meaning and comfort. It also gives you strength to face your emotions more fully, allowing grief to move through you rather than define you. Moments of happiness can be an anchor, showing that love and loss don’t have to be at odds. They can coexist in a way that honours your heart’s capacity to hold both.

By letting yourself embrace joy, you’re not letting go of your loved one You are embracing life in their memory. You are choosing to live in a way that reflects the complexity of your experience and honours the depth of your love.

How to Cope with the Sudden Death of a Parent: A Support Guide

22. November 2024

The sudden death of a parent is a heart-wrenching experience that can leave families feeling shaken, overwhelmed, and unsure of how to move forward. Grief often manifests in waves, touching every aspect of life, from daily routines to deep-seated emotions. In such moments, supporting one another becomes not only a way to survive the loss but also a way to honour the parent who has passed. This guide explores how to support the surviving parent, foster mutual support among siblings, and find strength when you’re an only child.

Supporting the Surviving Parent

The death of a spouse is life-altering. For the surviving parent, this loss often means the end of a partnership that defined much of their life. As they navigate their grief, adult children can play a crucial role in providing support.

Recognising Their Unique Grief

While you’ve lost a parent, your surviving parent has lost a partner—someone they likely shared decades of memories, routines, and dreams with. Acknowledging this difference doesn’t minimise your grief but allows you to offer empathy. You might hear them express feelings of being “left behind” or struggles with the sudden absence of companionship. Listening without judgement can be incredibly comforting.

Practical Support

Grief can make even the simplest tasks seem insurmountable. Help your surviving parent by stepping in where needed:

– Household management: Assist with cooking, cleaning, or errands

– Financial responsibilities: Help organise bills, insurance claims, or estate matters

– Healthcare: Attend appointments or monitor their well-being to ensure they’re not neglecting their health

Taking these responsibilities off their shoulders can provide breathing room to focus on emotional healing

Emotional Support

Being present is often the most valuable thing you can do. Whether it’s sitting with them in silence or reminiscing about your parent together, your presence reassures them they’re not alone. Encourage them to share stories and memories; this can be a therapeutic way to keep the deceased parent’s legacy alive. Remind them it’s okay to grieve at their own pace.

Balancing Your Grief

Supporting your parent doesn’t mean suppressing your own emotions. Openly sharing your struggles can create a space for mutual healing. It also sets a foundation for deeper connection as you both adapt to life after loss.

Supporting and Being Supported by Siblings

Siblings are uniquely positioned to understand your grief because they’ve experienced the same loss. However, relationships among siblings can become strained if grief manifests in different ways. With intention and effort, this shared loss can strengthen bonds rather than divide them.

Opening Lines of Communication

Not all siblings process grief in the same way. While one might prefer talking through emotions, another might turn inward. Start by acknowledging this: “I know we’re all grieving in our own ways, but I want us to support each other through this.” Check in regularly, even if it’s just a brief text or call. Be patient with one another’s emotional responses, even when they differ from your own.

Honouring Your Parent Together

Collaborating on ways to honour your parent’s memory can bring siblings closer. This might involve establishing a tradition, like a yearly family dinner, visiting a meaningful place, or working on a charitable project or cause your parent cared about. These acts not only celebrate your parent’s life but also provide a shared purpose during a challenging time.

Navigating Differences in Grieving Styles

Conflicts may arise if one sibling feels another isn’t grieving “enough” or is overwhelmed by responsibilities. Avoid assumptions, and instead, focus on practical solutions. Divide tasks based on strengths or availability.

Being There for Each Other

While supporting one another practically, don’t overlook emotional support. If a sibling seems withdrawn, gently remind them they’re not alone. Share your struggles openly to foster vulnerability and trust.

If You’re an Only Child

When you’re an only child, the weight of responsibility can feel immense. Without siblings to share the emotional and practical load, finding external support becomes essential.

The Weight of Sole Responsibility

You may feel pressure to be the sole source of support for your surviving parent while managing your own grief. It’s important to set boundaries and seek help when needed.

– Prioritise self-care to avoid burnout

– Delegate tasks where possible, whether to extended family, friends, or professionals

Leaning on Extended Family and Friends

Although you don’t have siblings, you’re not alone. Reach out to:

– Extended family: Aunts, uncles, cousins, or other relatives who shared a bond with your parent

– Close friends: People you trust can provide emotional support or assist with practical tasks

Sometimes, others hesitate to offer help because they don’t want to intrude. Don’t be afraid to ask for specific assistance, such as accompanying your parent to appointments or helping with legal paperwork.

Finding Community in Grief

Joining a grief support group can be incredibly healing. These groups provide:

– A space where you can share your feelings without judgement.

– Connection with others who understand your loss.

You can find groups through local community centres, churches, or online forums.

Professional Guidance

Therapists and grief counsellors can help you navigate the complex emotions of loss. If the responsibility of supporting your parent feels overwhelming, a professional can guide you in balancing their needs with your own.

Losing a parent suddenly is an experience that alters life in profound ways. In the midst of grief, it’s important to remember that no one has to face it alone. Whether you’re supporting a surviving parent, leaning on siblings, or finding strength as an only child, connection and compassion are key.

As you navigate this journey, remember to care for yourself, too. Grief is a marathon, not a sprint, and healing takes time. By reaching out for support and offering it to those around you, you create a foundation of love and resilience that honours your parent’s memory and helps everyone move forward together.

Honouring Loved Ones with Activities and Celebrations Together

20. November 2024

The loss of a loved one leaves a profound void, but the memories and moments you shared can serve as a source of comfort and strength. One of the most meaningful ways to honour someone you’ve lost is to celebrate their life by engaging in activities they loved and gathering with others to remember them. These moments allow grief to coexist with joy and create a space where their memory continues to bring people together.

Remembering Loved Ones by Turning Shared Memories into Traditions

When we think about honouring loved ones, our minds often go to sombre rituals. While these are important, there’s immense value in finding joy by doing the things they loved. Did your loved one have a favourite pastime or hobby? Perhaps they enjoyed gardening, cooking, or hiking. By immersing yourself in those activities, you’re not only keeping their memory alive but also creating new layers of connection with them.

If your loved one was a keen baker, gather friends or family for a baking day using their favourite recipes. Share stories about their culinary creations and enjoy the process of making something they once loved.

If they enjoyed long walks in nature, plan a group hike in one of their favourite spots. Along the way, share memories or reflect silently on the moments you spent together.

Turning these activities into annual or seasonal traditions can ensure their legacy continues to be a living part of your life.

Hosting a Gathering in Their Honour

Not every remembrance gathering needs to resemble a traditional memorial or funeral. Instead, think about creating an event that reflects their personality and passions. It could be a casual get-together or an organised celebration centred around what made them unique. Here are some ideas for gatherings:

A Film or Music Night

If your loved one had a passion for a particular genre of music or film, host a themed evening. Play their favourite records or screen a collection of their most-loved movies. Invite guests to bring their own memories, whether through stories or items like photos or playlists.

A Day of Giving Back

Honour their kindness by volunteering as a group in their name. Whether it’s working at a local shelter, planting trees, or supporting a cause they believed in, this kind of gathering can turn grief into meaningful action.

A Shared Meal or Feast

Food has a way of bringing people together, and a meal can become a powerful tribute. Organise a pot-luck where each dish is connected to your loved one—either by recipes they loved, meals they cooked, or places they adored dining.

Celebration of Hobbies

If they were passionate about painting, knitting, or photography, organise a workshop or showcase where participants can engage in their hobby or admire their work. This can serve as an opportunity to bond over shared memories and creative expression.

A “Memory Walk” or Outdoor Picnic

Choose a meaningful location for an outdoor event. Encourage attendees to share memories, write messages, or bring keepsakes to honour your loved one. A relaxed atmosphere fosters storytelling and connection.

The Importance of Celebrating Life

Celebrating your loved one in this way is about more than just remembering—it’s about reclaiming joy while carrying their memory forward. These gatherings give everyone the chance to experience shared support, comfort, and connection. They allow grief to soften as it mingles with love and appreciation for the time you had together.

Creating a Memory Box or Album During the Event

A unique addition to any gathering could be creating a shared memory box or album. Encourage attendees to bring photos, letters, or mementos that remind them of the person being honoured. Alternatively, provide note cards where people can write down favourite memories or things they miss about your loved one. These tokens can serve as a treasured keepsake, reminding you of the impact your loved one had on so many lives.

Making It an Annual Tradition

These gatherings don’t have to be a one-time event. Many families find comfort in marking significant dates—birthdays, anniversaries, or other milestones—with an annual celebration. As years pass, these traditions can evolve but continue to provide a steady anchor in the storm of grief.

Finding Comfort in Connection

Ultimately, these gatherings and activities remind us that while our loved ones may no longer be with us physically, their presence lives on in the things they loved and the people who loved them. By honouring them in these heartfelt and joyful ways, we weave their memory into the fabric of our lives, ensuring their spirit remains a source of inspiration and comfort.

How would you choose to honour someone close to you? Whether through a cherished activity, a thoughtful gathering, or simply sharing stories, the way you remember is as unique as the love you shared.

Embracing Grief: Effective Ways to Heal and Remember Loved Ones

17. November 2024

Losing a close friend or relative is one of the hardest experiences we can face. In the immediate aftermath, there is often a mix of emotions, ranging from shock to overwhelming sadness. Taking steps to process and heal can help you get through the pain of losing them, even though grief is different for everyone and takes its own time. Here are some thoughtful actions you can consider to help navigate the early days of grief:

Give Yourself Time to Grieve

Grief is a very personal journey. Take your time to process what has happened, and remember that there’s no ‘right’ way or timeline for grieving. Emotions may come in waves, and that’s normal. Allowing yourself to experience these emotions, rather than suppressing them, can be beneficial in the long term.

Give Yourself Permission to Heal

Grief is ongoing, and it changes over time. There will be days that feel extremely heavy and days when the weight lessens a bit. Be gentle with yourself, and give yourself permission to move forward in whatever way feels right for you.

Allow for Moments of Joy Without Guilt

It’s normal to feel moments of happiness, even in the midst of grieving. These moments don’t mean you’ve “moved on” or forgotten your loved one. Allowing yourself to laugh or find joy can be part of healing, and it’s okay to embrace these moments without guilt.

Keep a Grief Journal

Writing down your feelings in a grief journal can provide a powerful outlet for processing your emotions. It’s a place where you can express everything you feel without fear of judgement. Many people find comfort in writing letters to their loved ones, recording memories, or simply using the journal as a space to unload daily thoughts and feelings.

Reach Out for Support

Leaning on friends, family, or a support group can be very comforting. Talking to people who care about you can help you feel less alone, and shared memories or moments of reflection can bring a sense of connection to the loved one you’ve lost. Community support, whether through formal grief groups or informal gatherings, often provides a safe space to express your feelings and hear others’ stories.

Honour Their Memory

Finding ways to remember and honour your loved one can bring comfort and a sense of closeness. This could be as simple as lighting a candle, creating a photo album, or planting a tree in their memory. Some people find peace in writing a letter to their loved one, or setting aside a special day each year to celebrate their life.

Seek Out Rituals and Traditions

Around the world, many cultures have traditions that bring people together to mourn and remember loved ones. Consider incorporating rituals or creating your own traditions that feel meaningful and allow you to remember and honour your loved one.

Plan for Special Anniversaries and Holidays

Birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays can be especially tough when you’ve lost someone close. Planning ahead for these days can help reduce anxiety and provide a sense of comfort. Whether that means spending these days with others or allowing yourself a day of quiet reflection is up to you.

Consider Professional Help

If the loss feels overwhelming, seeking professional support from a therapist or grief counsellor can be beneficial. They can provide guidance, coping tools, and a space to share feelings that may be difficult to express elsewhere. This is especially important if grief begins to interfere with daily life or if feelings of depression, anxiety, or guilt become intense.

Take Care of Your Physical Health

Grief can take a toll on your body as well as your mind. Remember to rest, eat, and stay hydrated, even if it feels difficult at times. Gentle activities like walking or yoga can help manage stress. Grieving is hard work emotionally, and your body needs the right support to help carry you through it.

Losing a loved one changes us. Grieving is a part of adapting to that change. While the journey is challenging, taking steps to honour your loved one and to care for yourself along the way can be a valuable part of the healing process. Remember, there is no right way to grieve. Allow yourself to find comfort, support, and hope in small ways as you navigate this difficult path.

Find Peace and Process Emotions with these Mindfulness Exercises

15. November 2024

Mindfulness exercises are very helpful for people who are grieving, offering a way to process emotions and find moments of peace. By gently guiding you to stay present with your feelings, mindfulness helps you deal with your grief without feeling overwhelmed by it. These exercises will help you create a safe space where you can experience your emotions fully, allowing healing to unfold at its own pace.

Here are some mindfulness exercises that are useful and support those dealing with grief:

Mindful Breathing

How it Helps: Grieving can often bring waves of intense emotions that make it hard to stay calm. Mindful breathing helps slow down the mind and body, offering relief from stress and overwhelming feelings.

Practice: Sit in a comfortable position with your eyes closed. Take a slow, deep breath in through your nose, filling your belly. Hold for a moment, and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat for a few minutes, focusing on the sensation of air entering and leaving your body. If your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath.

Body Scan Meditation

How it Helps: Grief often affects the body, leading to physical symptoms like tension, aches, or fatigue. The body scan meditation brings awareness to these areas and promotes relaxation.

Practice: Lie down comfortably and close your eyes. Starting from your toes and working up to your head, bring gentle attention to each part of your body. Notice if there’s any tension, and allow yourself to relax each area as you go along. Take your time, pausing at areas that feel tense or hold discomfort, acknowledging and then gently letting go.

Mindful Walking

How it Helps: Walking can help process grief, both physically and mentally. Walking mindfully keeps you grounded, present, and connected to your surroundings.

Practice: Find a quiet place to walk, like a garden or park. Walk slowly, paying close attention to each step, feeling the ground beneath your feet, the air around you, and the movement of your body. Let go of any urge to rush or think of other things. Focus on each footfall and the sensations as you walk.

Journaling with Mindfulness

How it Helps: Writing down thoughts and emotions with mindfulness can be a powerful way to express what feels too complex or painful to say out loud.

Practice: Set aside 5-10 minutes each day to write whatever comes to mind without judgement. Focus on the present moment and describe your feelings, sensations, and reflections as they are. You might write letters to your loved one, describe memories, or simply document how you’re feeling. Stay aware of each word and sentence as it flows onto the page.

Gratitude Reflection

How it Helps: Though it may be challenging, focusing on moments of gratitude can create a positive shift in perspective and help you cherish meaningful memories of your loved one.

Practice: Take a few moments each day to reflect on something for which you feel grateful, even if it’s a small memory or quality of your loved one that brought you joy. This could also be gratitude for any support around you, a comforting object, or even simple things like a warm cup of tea or a quiet moment.

Guided Imagery

How it Helps: Visualising a safe, peaceful place can be comforting, offering a mental retreat and helping you reconnect with calmness during times of emotional overwhelm.

Practice: Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and imagine yourself in a safe, peaceful place, like a beach, forest, or garden. Picture the sights, sounds, and smells around you. Imagine yourself feeling calm and at ease. If you wish, visualise your loved one with you, sharing this serene moment together.

Mindful Acceptance of Emotions

How it Helps: Grief brings waves of complex emotions. Practising mindful acceptance can help you acknowledge these feelings without judgement, allowing them to flow rather than bottling them up.

Practice: When you feel sadness, anger, or any difficult emotion, pause and notice where you feel it in your body. Gently name the feeling and remind yourself it’s okay to feel this way. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, knowing that each emotion will eventually pass.

These exercises can be done at your own pace. They are about creating gentle, present moments that support you in dealing with grief. Practising even a few of these mindfulness exercises can be a kind way to nurture yourself and find a little comfort during your grief.

Dealing With Grief: Finding Healing by Keeping a Grief Journal

13. November 2024

Grief can feel overwhelming, and finding ways to cope with it can be challenging. One of the most powerful, personal tools for processing grief is keeping a grief journal. This simple act of writing down your thoughts, memories, and feelings offers a safe space to express emotions, reflect on memories, and work through the pain in your own time and way. A grief journal can be a daily companion, guiding you through your journey of healing, one page at a time.

Why Keep a Grief Journal?

When we lose someone we love, it’s common to feel a whirlwind of emotions—sadness, anger, confusion, and sometimes even relief. These feelings can be difficult to express, and sometimes we might feel we don’t have anyone to talk to who truly understands. A grief journal becomes a private, non-judgemental space where you can be honest with yourself. It’s a place to pour out your heart, whether you’re writing a letter to your loved one, reflecting on your day, or exploring your memories with them.

Writing helps to release and process complex emotions. Studies have shown that journaling can reduce stress, ease depression, and help manage anxiety. When it comes to grief, journaling allows you to make sense of the pain, helping you to navigate the often confusing journey of loss.

How to Start a Grief Journal

Getting started with a grief journal may feel daunting, but remember—there’s no right or wrong way to do it.

Find a Comfortable Space and Time: Choose a quiet, comfortable spot and set aside time to journal each day or week. Whether it’s morning, evening, or whenever you feel the need to write, having a consistent time can help make journaling part of your routine.

Choose Your Medium: Some people find comfort in a traditional notebook and pen, while others prefer typing on their computer or phone. Choose the format that feels most natural and accessible to you.

Set an Intention: Begin each journaling session by setting an intention. This might be to remember your loved one, release a certain feeling, or simply check in with yourself. Setting an intention helps create a focus and direction for your writing.

Start with a Prompt or Free Writing: If you’re not sure where to begin, consider starting with a prompt, such as “Today, I feel…” or “One memory I cherish is…” You can also try free writing—allowing your thoughts to flow naturally without worrying about grammar, structure, or making sense.

Be Patient with Yourself: Grieving is a slow and personal process, and journaling won’t solve everything overnight. It’s okay to take breaks, revisit past entries, and let the process unfold at its own pace.

What to Write in a Grief Journal

Your grief journal can contain anything that feels meaningful or healing to you. Here are a few ideas:

Letters to Your Loved One: Write letters to the person you’ve lost, sharing your day, your memories, or anything you wish you could still say to them.

Memories: Reflect on special moments you shared with your loved one. Describe these memories in detail—the sights, sounds, and feelings—to keep their presence close.

Emotions: Grief can be unpredictable, and your emotions may change from day to day. Write down how you feel each day, allowing yourself to fully experience your emotions without judgement.

Questions and Reflections: Grief often brings up questions about life, loss, and meaning. Use your journal to explore these questions and any thoughts or insights that arise as you navigate them.

Gratitude: Although it may be difficult, writing about moments of gratitude can bring some light to the darkness. You might write about things you’re grateful for in your loved one’s life or moments when you felt supported by others.

The Healing Benefits of a Grief Journal

A grief journal helps to ease the weight of your loss by creating a place for you to openly process your emotions. As time goes on, your journal becomes a record of your journey—a testament to your resilience, growth, and healing. You may find yourself returning to past entries, noticing how your relationship with grief has changed and deepened.

Keeping a grief journal can also help you preserve memories of your loved one. Over time, as you fill the pages with reflections, stories, and memories, you create a collection that honours their life and legacy. These entries can serve as a comfort, reminding you of their impact on your life and keeping their memory alive in a way that feels meaningful.

A Tool for Self-Care and Connection

A grief journal can be part of a larger self-care routine. Writing allows you to check in with yourself, acknowledge your needs, and practice self-compassion on hard days. As you journal, you may discover insights about how to care for yourself in times of sadness, loneliness, or anger. You might even use your journal as a springboard for conversations with trusted friends or family, sharing parts of your journey and finding support.

Moving Forward with Your Journal

As you continue with your grief journal, you may find that your entries shift and change over time. What starts as a place to express pain may become a space for gratitude, hope, and healing. Remember, there’s no pressure to “get over” grief or follow a specific timeline. Let your journal be a safe, evolving companion that grows with you as you navigate loss.

In keeping a grief journal, you’re giving yourself the gift of time, space, and expression. It’s a powerful act of self-love that honours your loved one’s memory and allows you to find your own path through the landscape of grief. Through journaling, you’re never alone—your words, your memories, and the love you shared are always there to guide you forward.

Coping with the Loss of a Loved One After a Long Cancer Battle

12. November 2024

How do you begin to cope with the loss of a loved one who fought a long battle with cancer? Even with time to ‘prepare’, the final goodbye still feels unimaginable. After years of watching someone you care about fight bravely, the grief that follows is usually profound and complicated. It is a deeply challenging experience. Finding your own path forward takes time.

Give Yourself Permission to Grieve

When someone close to you passes away, particularly after a prolonged illness, it’s natural to feel a mix of emotions—sadness, relief, anger, guilt, even numbness. Grief isn’t a straight path, and there’s no ‘right’ way to feel. Allow yourself to experience these emotions without judgement, knowing that whatever you feel is part of your healing.

Try not to suppress your grief because you were ‘prepared’ for the loss. Knowing intellectually that loss is coming is very different from experiencing it. Grief is as much about processing the illness as it is about the final goodbye. Give yourself the space and time to grieve, knowing that your feelings are valid.

Acknowledge the Trauma of the Illness

Cancer, especially if it’s a prolonged journey, can be traumatic not just for the patient but also for those around them. Watching someone you love undergo treatment, endure physical pain, and face uncertain outcomes can be deeply distressing. Take time to acknowledge any trauma you may have experienced. This can involve speaking with a counsellor, engaging in therapeutic practices like mindfulness or journaling, or simply acknowledging the emotional exhaustion you might feel.

Lean on Your Support System

Grieving the loss of a loved one who battled cancer can feel isolating, especially if others in your life don’t understand the specific struggles you faced. Reach out to friends, family members, or support groups where you feel understood and supported. Talking with people who have been through similar experiences can provide comfort and remind you that you’re not alone.

Support groups for people who have lost someone to cancer can be helpful. Many people find peace in knowing others understand the complexity of emotions after losing someone to a long illness.

Embrace Self-Compassion

Caring for someone with cancer, or even witnessing their journey, can take a toll on your emotional and physical health. Once they are gone, it’s common to feel mentally and physically drained. Be gentle with yourself, prioritising rest, nourishment, and gentle activities that replenish your energy.

Self-compassion is essential as you navigate your grief. You may feel guilt or wonder if you could have done more, said more, or been ‘better’ somehow. It’s normal to have these thoughts, but try to be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that you did what you could and that your loved one knew they were cared for.

Create a Ritual of Remembrance

Creating a ritual of remembrance can be a meaningful way to honour your loved one. You might want to visit a place that was special to them or create a space in your home where you can display items that remind you of them. These rituals can help you feel connected to your loved one and provide comfort.

Accept That Grief Changes, but Doesn’t ‘End’

Grieving a loved one who battled cancer is not something you just ‘get over’. Over time, the sharpness of the pain often softens. You carry it in a different way. It becomes a part of your life rather than a constant weight.

Allowing grief to take its own course means not expecting it to disappear. Instead, it might transform into a quieter, gentler part of your daily life.

Seek Purpose in Their Memory

For many people, finding purpose in the memory of a loved one helps give meaning to their grief. You could consider raising awareness about cancer, supporting a charity, or participating in activities your loved one cared about.

Even small acts in your daily life can be ways to remember and honour them—whether it’s listening to their favourite music, supporting others facing cancer, or simply living out the values they cherished.

Seek Professional Support if Needed

Grieving someone who has battled a long illness like cancer is often complex, and you don’t have to navigate it alone. Consider talking to a therapist or counsellor who specialises in grief if you’re feeling overwhelmed. Therapy can provide tools for coping with loss, managing any feelings of trauma, and finding ways to move forward.

Coping with Grief

Losing a loved one to cancer is a challenging experience, but healing is possible. Remember, grief is a journey, and coping isn’t about forgetting or ‘moving on’—it’s about finding ways to live with their memory and to allow yourself to heal. Lean on your memories and let your emotions unfold at their own pace. Grieving is a deeply personal process, and with time, you’ll discover your own ways to find peace and cherish the love they left behind.

Shared Grief: The Healing Power of Mourning Together

6. November 2024

Grief is often described as a journey we must walk, yet it can feel like the most isolating path imaginable. In times of overwhelming grief, it’s natural to feel like retreating inward, but as human beings, we’re also wired for connection, especially in times of profound sadness. This is why, throughout history and across cultures, we see a common thread of people coming together to mourn, support, and share in each other’s pain. The simple act of sharing our grief reminds us that we aren’t alone and that, even in our darkest moments, a supportive community stands by us.

Why We Need to Share Grief

Grieving alone can make loss feel even heavier, whereas shared grief can lighten the load. When we come together in grief, it’s not just about talking or sharing stories; it’s about feeling seen, heard, and validated. Expressing our sorrow openly allows for healing, where the burden is divided among others who are also there to honour the life of the one who has passed. It creates a shared space of remembrance, empathy, and, ultimately, comfort.

The wisdom of shared mourning is something cultures around the world have always understood. Through various rituals and traditions, they’ve built practices that make space for community in times of loss, allowing grief to be a collective, rather than solitary, experience. Let’s explore some of these traditions that emphasise the power of communal mourning.

Traditions that Honour Shared Grief

1. The Irish Wake: Celebrating Life Together

In Irish culture, a wake is traditionally held in the home of the deceased, where friends and family gather not only to mourn but to celebrate the life of the person. This gathering can last for several days, often including music, storytelling, and shared meals. The wake isn’t meant to be solely sombre but is a celebration that acknowledges both the pain of loss and the joy of the person’s life. It’s a powerful reminder that even in grief, we can find moments of connection and remembrance.

2. Sitting Shiva in Jewish Tradition: A Week of Support

The Jewish tradition of “sitting shiva” is a seven-day mourning period that begins after the funeral. During this time, close family members stay at home, and friends and extended family come to visit. The focus is on simply being present; those who come to sit shiva do not need to speak if they don’t wish to. Their presence alone is meant to provide comfort. This tradition offers a structured period for the grieving family to be surrounded by a supportive community without any expectations to “move on” or “get back to normal.” Instead, they’re encouraged to fully process their emotions with the warmth and support of others.

3. Ghanaian Funeral Celebrations: Honouring Life with Community

In Ghana, funerals are not only a time of mourning but also vibrant celebrations of life. These gatherings can last for days and are attended by large numbers of family members, friends, and community members. Funerals in Ghana are significant social events, often with music, dance, and elaborate attire. By celebrating the life of the deceased in a public, community-centred way, Ghanaians express both sorrow and appreciation for the person’s life. This tradition shows how grief and joy can coexist, allowing individuals to support each other through shared memories and collective expressions of both sadness and gratitude.

4. The Balinese Ngaben Ceremony: Communal Healing Through Ritual

The Balinese Hindu tradition of Ngaben is a communal cremation ceremony that symbolises the soul’s release from the earthly realm. In these ceremonies, entire communities come together to prepare for and participate in the rituals. Ngaben isn’t just a family affair; the entire village often joins to support the grieving family. This collective ritual underscores the belief that mourning is a communal responsibility and that the community helps carry the soul of the departed on their final journey.

5. Dia de los Muertos in Mexico: Remembering Together

The Mexican holiday Dia de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead, is one of the world’s most well-known communal mourning traditions. Families create altars with photos, candles, and the favourite foods of their deceased loved ones. They visit cemeteries together, celebrating the lives of those they’ve lost in a way that’s filled with joy, laughter, and remembrance. Dia de los Muertos is a beautiful example of a culture where mourning is not hidden but is a visible, vibrant, shared experience. It highlights the belief that our loved ones remain close, even in death, and that their memories continue to bring comfort and connection to those left behind.

6. The Māori Tangihanga Ceremony in New Zealand: Embracing Loss with Whānau

For the Māori people of New Zealand, the tangihanga, or “tangi,” is a multi-day mourning ceremony held on a marae (communal meeting ground). Family and friends gather to pay their respects, share stories, and express their grief. During this time, the deceased is not left alone, as someone always stays by their side. This ceremony underscores the importance of whānau, or extended family, who come together to offer strength and support. Through oratory, song, and remembrance, the community helps the grieving family feel held and loved, allowing everyone to acknowledge and express their sorrow openly.

7. The Filipino Pasiyam and Babang Luksa: Collective Mourning and Remembrance

In the Philippines, the process of mourning often involves two key communal gatherings. The “pasiyam” occurs on the ninth day after a loved one’s death, where family and friends come together for prayers and to share memories of the deceased. A year later, the “babang luksa” marks the end of the formal mourning period, where another gathering takes place to honour the departed and celebrate their life. These rituals emphasise the role of community in supporting the bereaved throughout the year. By coming together at these significant moments, the family is reminded that they are not alone, even as they transition out of the mourning period.

Finding Comfort in Community

Each of these traditions shows that mourning doesn’t have to be a solitary experience. Whether it’s through gatherings, storytelling, or shared rituals, these practices help remind us of our shared humanity and of the bonds that unite us, even in times of sorrow. In these moments, grief becomes less about the loss itself and more about honouring the life and the love that remain. They also serve as a reminder that it’s okay to lean on others, that community is there to hold us up when we feel too weak to carry on.

Today, as we navigate grief in a modern world that often priorities “moving on,” it’s worth remembering these timeless traditions and the comfort they bring. Sharing our grief doesn’t mean burdening others with our pain; it’s about finding strength together, creating spaces where loss is acknowledged, and finding healing in the company of others who understand. In moments of overwhelming grief, reaching out to others—whether by attending a support group, spending time with friends, or participating in cultural rituals—can remind us that we are not alone. Together, we can find solace, healing, and even hope as we honour the lives of those we have loved and lost.

Author: Lara